Lost in transit

In many ways, I feel the same way you do, only I was born and I grew up in Montreal, where there were a good amount of Chinese people, even in the 1970's, although there are more now. Someone once asked me whether my Chinese running buddy Kerry was my sister -- last month! -- so sometimes living amongst a larger minority doesn't help. Apparently, all Asian people look the same to some people. I always felt like Montreal, in a way... When Americans come here, they think, "How European!" and when Europeans visit Montreal, they think, "How American!" but Montreal is really neither. And I am neither Chinese to other Chinese, nor really Canadian to ... well, some Canadians.

I relate to your feeling of disassociation from the immigrant Chinese community, but I don't think it's quite fair to say that you don't feel "Chinese."

Granted, you may not speak Cantonese, or have a sparkly cell phone. But these certainly aren't the necessary conditions by which we gauge "Chinese-ness," is it? If it were, even your parents (presumably they were born/raised in Hunan (?)) wouldn't be Chinese.

This post seems to imply that the large community of people of Asian descent who are born outside of Asia, and/or raised in predominantly non-Chinese communities and cultures, especially when reared in a distinctly Western context, should not feel "Chinese." I disagree with this notion. I've felt the same disassociation from immigrant Chinese communities, but I have also felt an opposite association with others in similar cultural contexts as my own (born in Canada to two immigrant parents). When countries like America and Canada provide convenient subcategories like "Chinese Canadian/Asian American" with which we may self-identify, I certainly don't feel as though I have to choose between being and not being Chinese.

I'm looking for clarification to what you've posted here. Do you feel/think as I have outlined above, or otherwise? I am interested to hear your reply.

In what part of Canada did you grow up? To me, Canada has always seemed more multicultural than America (though I don't know what Canada was 10 or 20 years ago), so I'm not sure if you realize just how few Chinese people lived in Arkansas, or how culturally backwards it was, when I was growing up.

If culture is a mirror you hold up to yourself, in my situation, I tended to forget I wasn't white. Well, that's not entirely true -- it's not like you can forget you're Chinese -- but as far as identifying as Chinese, I didn't even feel "Chinese-American" (when I was growing up, multiculturalism hadn’t caught on yet, at least not in Arkansas, and we didn’t have these labels). I felt like just a plain American, if that makes sense.

I know being Cantonese isn't a prerequisite to being or feeling Chinese, but it's more than the sparkly cell phones and Hong Kong culture that makes me feel alien... it's actually seeing so many other Chinese people. There are a few Taiwanese and mainland Chinese here too, and while they don’t belong to the Cantonese cliques, I wonder if it feels slightly odd for them, like it does for me, to see and hear all these Cantonese people.

I don’t think so, because they were exposed to Hong Kong movies, music, etc. in China or Taiwan. I wasn’t. I wasn’t even exposed to “Chinese-American” culture -- other than what went on in my own family.

I mean, I didn’t grow up in a cave -- I know about Hong Kong and it’s not like it’s Mars or something. It’s more like just walking around thinking, “Wow, there are a lot of Chinese people here. Weird. Hey, wait, I’m Chinese.” And if I don’t feel this way about the Taiwanese or mainland Chinese here, it’s only because there are fewer of them and they haven’t carved out as distinct and separate of a culture as the Cantonese have.

it's funny; i wonder if the above poster found this entry the same way i did, through ernieand his most recent blog entry to your blog to your "about" page to this, since the original entry here was dated april and the comment was posted just yesterday.

i just moved from connecticut/rhode island to los angeles, and i definitely feel out of place being near many more chinese people. one of my coworkers is chinese, and i don't think i've had a chinese coworker in several years.

strange thing that bothers me is that he speaks with an accent, even though he's been here since he was in his early teens (he's in his late 20's now i guess). also i feel that he might judge me because of my lack-of-accent (actually he made a comment that makes me think he's envious of my lack of accent), or rather my non-chinese-ness.

incidentally, i am taiwanese-canadian! though i only lived in taiwan for 6 years, and canada for 4, and the states in between for 9 and then 8 more years after canada (montreal).

Yes I did, peter, why yes I did.

grr. I had this huge reply all typed out on notepad and everything, and then my computer crashed.

I guess that's what i get for surfing at work. :P

Will be back to regurgitate what i can remember later.

janet: i hate when that happens! and i never seem to be able to articulate my thoughts as well the second time around!

miss: (do i call you miss? an? throp?) you've got me reading up on ayn rand and objectivism now... while i'm at work! i guess it's better than reading blogs! ;)

Janet: Damn, I hate it when that happens.

Peter: When you say it out of context like that, it sounds like I actually recommended Ayn Rand to you, which I didn't, and wouldn't! (Throp has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? :)

This entry's turning into the Disassociated Chinese People Club.

uh... throp: oh, i didn't mean to imply that you recommended her, i just wasn't familiar with her philosophy and was hooked into learing about it. doesn't match my personal beliefs either, but it's interesting reading nonetheless.

well, for whoever (janet) might read this, throp (sorry, it's just too close to "throb") had commented on my latest (not-so recent) blog entry on the company i just started working for, RAND.

the dcpc: we are neither joyful or lucky. ;)

sigh... learing = learning