Lost in transit

The Dutch for "to grate" is borrowed from French, so it's no surprise that my old Dutch teacher made the same mistake when she moved to live in Britain. She went into a cheese shop looking for something pre-grated, and ended up asking: "Do you have any raped cheese?"

I made some wonderful mistakes in my early days of learning Danish. Once, wanting to explain to someone that I needed to do something straight away because I was in a hurry, I found myself informing them that I was planning to shoot myself! ("Jeg skynder mig" = "I'm in a hurry"; "Jeg skyder mig" = "I'm shooting/going to shoot myself".)

Another time, I was telling someone about two friends having a nut eating competition. Sadly, I confused "nødder" (nuts of the edible type) with "nosser" (nuts of the testicular type). It was only after I'd made the mistake several times - eg "Jeg tror, Marta kan spise flere nosser end Reza" = "I think Marta can eat more nuts (testicles) than Reza" - that someone put their hand on my shoulder and kindly said: "David, I think there's something you should know..."

Well, we live and learn!

Once, while looking for my boots (Stiefeln), I asked my wife if she had seen my erection (Steifen).

During the first few months in Italy I got a little tired with the fact that many people wanted to know if Dutch people all wear wooden shoes. At a certain point introducing myself to new people at work and attempting to be funny I thought I said "yes I'm dutch and in Holland we have many wooden shoes" but what actually came out was "yes I'm dutch and in Holland we have many sluts" (wooden shoe in italian = zoccolo, slut = zoccola)

When I was in Argentina, I frequently found myself apologizing for my poor Spanish by trying to say that I was "very embarassed" about it; "muy embrasada". Turns out, I was traipsing around bakeries and coffee shops announcing to everyone that I was "very pregnant." Er, then I was _really_ embarassed.

Ahhh the joys translation... I think everyone has done it.

In Argentina I asked a Nun where I could "screw" a bus, apparently it is only spain where you "coger" a bus....

A very lovely French girl I used to work with was once harshly knocked aside by some bloke rushing down the street - she was not well pleased and recounted it in a bit of a mood to the girl she was shopping with.
Of course, the French for 'He bumped into me' is roughly "Il m'a entré dedans"... which she translated directly:

"What happened?!"
"That man - he entered into me!"

Minor hysterics ensued; it took a minute for the real meaning to sink in.

Well... my German exchange student girlfriend asking her host mother for "a rubber."

Turns out she was looking for an erase. I wish she had been looking for the other kind.

But as for MY blunders, I told my Vienese German Professor that I really liked the "Hundertwasser Mistbrenner." It's a really cool waste incenerator in Vienna designed by a famous, freaky artist named Friedensreich Hundertwasser. So after I told her this it was a bit of a suprise when she laughed so hard that she started crying.

Turns out that I had somehow stated that it was "Crap Burner." I should have said Müllverbrennungsanlage. Everyone makes that mistake...

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