Lost in transit

Connecting with People in Japan

I was talking with two Japanese men not long ago and told them in my limited Japanese that I want to connect with people. I want my Japanese to improve enough so that I can talk about things that are important "from the heart." Talking "heart to heart" is an image that communicates clearly in Japanese. Anyway, one of them said that what he wants from others is that they leave him alone. He didn't say this to counter my statement but just as an honest expression.

What he said is a reality in Japanese culture. There is a tremendous reserve, expressed through images like "building walls," "wearing masks" or just "hiding inside." This aspect of Japanese culture (or at least what I've learned of it so far) seems to contradict a strong value that I have. But I know that Japanese people really value relationships, including "heart to heart" relationships based on honesty and trust. I've seen the evidence, heard from my wife, and I hope to learn this from experience.

It's taken two years of hard work and frustration, but now I know enough Japanese to talk about some of those important things. I'm a bit dangerous. That is, I could...

...say something really offensive without knowing it, I'm sure. But people are gracious with me. I've been meeting every Saturday with a friend who I met in Starbucks. We speak for a 1/2 hour in English and 1/2 hour in Japanese. The best part is that I'm getting to know him as a friend and not just a language partner. I've also just started meeting with one of the young women who works at Starbucks for a language exchange. Her English is much more limited but we connected well in our first meeting.

This week after meeting with her (the worker at Starbucks), I rode my bicycle home (about 10 minutes away). As I was going down a narrow street I had to get way to the side to let some guy driving a low rider get by. This was a real low rider -- a Ford of some sort, I think. He bounced it a bit with his hydraulics just to impress the American (me). I ride a big mountain bike. As I moved to the side an older woman was walking toward me. She jumped back a bit when she saw the (big) bicycle with the (big) foreigner coming toward her. I slowed way down, and I saw her giving me a blank stare.

Normally, and especially in the past, I would have translated her expression to mean something like: "yuck...a big, dangerous foreigner, I hope he doesn't run me over." But I was in a good mood and ready to assume the best, so as I passed I quietly said, "Weird car, huh?" Her face broke instantly into a nice, familiar smile as she nodded and said, "Neeeh" (Yeah). I thought about that moment the rest of the way home. A few words in Japanese broke through a wall that I thought was ten feet thick. The walls may be more permeable than meets the eye. Imagine when I learn a few more words!

Posted by Andy at April 16, 2004 02:10 AM