May 11, 2005

intellectual stimulation

I was going to write about VE day and how I still feel its significance today
but after reading wildsoda's post today I simply have to write about my own repat experiences
I moved back to my birthplace after 4 years in the big wide world
that was 10 years ago
almost needless to mention I moved there for romantic reasons
it took me 9 years to give in to the fact that I couldn't live there

when I first returned to this medium sized German town I remember walking around town noticing nothing but bleakness
there was just nothing happening there
life was easy, healthy, sometimes even beautiful
but I just kept seeing grumpy faces
in the beginning I called it "my little corner of the world"
while this sounds like a loving description, for me the stress was on "corner"
I couldn't stop thinking life was going on elsewhere
in London or New York I would be bombarded with so many impressions when just crossing a street
I kept forcing myself to actively look for inspiration
and I kept blaming myself for the lethargy I was overcome with for years
I began to think whether I could die of boredom
at one point I honestly became convinced I could
I was so starved of intellectual stimulation
with time my friends' priorities began to shift
they started having babies and affordable flats and practical shoes and leased cars
they suddenly didn't mind holidays stuffed in grey places with hundreds of grumpy pensioners as long as there were enough facilities for the child
they looked at me uncomprehending when I went to India, voluntarily
maybe it took these examples for me to realise I am different
I don't mind children or practical shoes
what I minded was the boredom that they seemed to enforce in my friends
how could they be contend with a life dictated by practicality when they had all once been creative people with wild ideas
when I now return they look at me like I have descended from a small far away planet
and I do not know how to explain why I now live in an overpriced room in a shared house in one of the less safe areas of London

Posted by cecilia at May 11, 2005 05:32 PM
Comments

It depends on what gets your rocks off. For some people, like myself, I love to travel, to try new things, to test myself and my resourcefulness, to embrace change. In many ways it's a hunger for the world. But, as I have come to realise, those very things that I love, others hate. I could never understand why some people were content to live in the one place their ENTIRE lives, to have never left their comfort zone. Was it inertia? Disinterest? Lack of opportunity? No. I feel it comes down to one thing: a fear of change.

I live in a grotty London flat in desperate need of a facelift. But instead of redecorating all my money goes on travel, on airplane tickets and hotel accommodation. I guess it comes down to priorities, right?

Posted by: kimbofo at May 11, 2005 07:52 PM

People in my family don't understand my need to live abroad, either. My father loves to travel, but it's only that, and he always wants to come home to NYC. I, on the other hand, want to live everywhere but.

"Why do you have to be so different?" my grandmother groused at me a few weeks ago.

"I don't *have* to be," I said. "I just am."

Posted by: wildsoda at May 11, 2005 08:36 PM

saying that people who've been content to live in one place their entire lives 'cuz of a fear of change sounds pretty elitist and condescending. . . some people like travel, some people like reality tv, some people like hanging out at the corner pub with their friends. . .

i'm sure some people don't go live in other places 'cuz of a fear of change but i'll bet there are an equal number who don't 'cuz it's just not their thing. . . or maybe it is but it's lower on their priority list than other stuff so they just can't afford it. . .

Posted by: bloopy at May 12, 2005 08:49 PM

Bloopy, my comment wasn't intended to be condescending, but I take your point that maybe some people don't travel because it's just not their thing. But I've lost count of the number of people who've told me "you're so lucky" to be doing what your doing / living where you're living etc etc when I know it has nothing to do with luck and everything to do with determination, sheer will power and a sense of adventure, oh, and having to make a lot of compromises - it's usually those people who are envious of what I'm doing but cannot see for themselves that they could do it too if they put their mind to it. This is where I think the fear of change factor kicks in . . .

Posted by: kimbofo at May 14, 2005 05:22 PM

I feel this way a lot, too. I write a post on my blog about how I don't really understand how my friends can want to stay in this place and "settle down", and all I want to do at the same age is stretch my wings and see the world.

Posted by: Anna at May 19, 2005 10:42 AM

Travel is great and I personally have had some great travelling experiences. However, I realised that a lot of the travelling I did was to bury my head in the sand, to procrastinate, to put off making decisions. I am now 32, am intelligent but in a career I don't really enjoy because I travelled too much when I was younger and failed to start up a new career ladder. I have a 2year old son who is absolutely fantastic fun and I love him more than anything in the world! He needs security and routine whilst he grows up. Like or it or lump it, that means I need to go to work to earn enough money to give us the basics of food, shelter, warmth, etc. and that means Mon-Fri 9-5. I am fortuante that because my salary is ok, we can have some great holidays in Europe and Britain, camping and cycling and exploring, etc. but I now don't lose sight of the factor that there are other considerations now in my life, its not just about ME anymore. We now have developed a weekly routine that means we have built a support network of like minded people who we enjoy spending time with and working in the local community providing services to the public that keep us happy because we know we are contributing to society in some way. These 2 factors alone I think are 2 of the biggest factors for personal happiness: 1 - feeling that what you are doing makes a difference 2 - relationships with others.

Sure, there are mant times I wish to pack up and travel again, and when my son is older and I have a nice pension pot built up I will. In the mean time, I dont just spend time buying "comfortable shoes" and going on holidays to "grey zones full of pensioners", we have lots of weekends booked away with our friends, we have some great holidays to look forward to (eg camping in Alps, skiing, cycling holiday in Brittany).

As for the job, well I am now in the process of re-training - a costly and lengthy process I could probably have avoided had I paid a bit more attention to my senses when I was younger rather than travelling here, there and everywhere!!

regards,

nick

Posted by: nick at June 2, 2005 07:49 PM

Travel is great and I personally have had some great travelling experiences. However, I realised that a lot of the travelling I did was to bury my head in the sand, to procrastinate, to put off making decisions. I am now 32, am intelligent but in a career I don't really enjoy because I travelled too much when I was younger and failed to start up a new career ladder. I have a 2year old son who is absolutely fantastic fun and I love him more than anything in the world! He needs security and routine whilst he grows up. Like or it or lump it, that means I need to go to work to earn enough money to give us the basics of food, shelter, warmth, etc. and that means Mon-Fri 9-5. I am fortuante that because my salary is ok, we can have some great holidays in Europe and Britain, camping and cycling and exploring, etc. but I now don't lose sight of the factor that there are other considerations now in my life, its not just about ME anymore. We now have developed a weekly routine that means we have built a support network of like minded people who we enjoy spending time with and working in the local community providing services to the public that keep us happy because we know we are contributing to society in some way. These 2 factors alone I think are 2 of the biggest factors for personal happiness: 1 - feeling that what you are doing makes a difference 2 - relationships with others.

Sure, there are mant times I wish to pack up and travel again, and when my son is older and I have a nice pension pot built up I will. In the mean time, I dont just spend time buying "comfortable shoes" and going on holidays to "grey zones full of pensioners", we have lots of weekends booked away with our friends, we have some great holidays to look forward to (eg camping in Alps, skiing, cycling holiday in Brittany).

As for the job, well I am now in the process of re-training - a costly and lengthy process I could probably have avoided had I paid a bit more attention to my senses when I was younger rather than travelling here, there and everywhere!!

regards,

nick

Posted by: nick at June 2, 2005 07:52 PM