Lost in transit

My Daugher, An Election, and the LDP

Reia returned to yochien (preschool) a week ago. She was happy to return and, very proudly, drew a picture of a tent on her first day back. We were happy to see our camping trips had meant a lot to her. A couple of days later, all the kids lined up and shared (one at a time) their favorite memories from the summer. Reia said, "Going to Disneyland!" Hmmm, but we didn't go to Disneyland. Someone at the beginning of the line said Disneyland, and more than 90 percent of the kids after that gave the same answer. Reia planned to say, "Going camping," but she would have been the only one. Kids in many cultures, of course, don't want to be singled out. But I'd say that's especially true in Japan. The same thing happened in the Spring, when all the kids shared their favorite fruit. Reia was going to say Strawberry, but she switched to Apple because that's what 100 percent of the kids before her said. The same thing happened, my wife says, when she was in preschool. You wonder why they have these sharing times...

On a somewhat related note, they're having a national election today. Most people are expected to line up and vote for the LDP -- as most have for the past 30 years or so.

My wife just went out to vote, and I wonder who she'll choose. I don't know who I would choose. I can't vote here, of course. Just to help out, though, you have the Liberal Democratic Party, or LDP (like the Republicans in the USA). Then you have the Democratic Party (sort of like "the other Republicans"). It's much more complicated than that, but not really. Finally, there are the Communists, along with a host of smaller parties that few people bother to sort out. I mention the Communists separately because: a) they're recognizably different from the others, and b) I still can't believe they haven't gone for a name change considering.

But seriously, staying with the group (call it what you will) is a very strong part of the culture here. Another example. Two days ago...

(Click the link below to read the rest.)

... our daughter came home from school and refused to eat dinner. She didn't eat breakfast or lunch the next day. For three days in a row she asked for the thermometer to check her temperature (because she wanted to be sick and miss preschool). After much time trying to understand what happened (she was doing great before that), we learned that the teacher said (or seemed to say), "If you eat lunch too slowly, you'll throw up." One of the girls in the class really does throw up from time to time. She gags on food she doesn't like, but eats it anyway and pukes. My daughter has a fear of throwing up, so she took what the teacher said to heart. Even tonight she asked if she could come home before lunch tomorrow, but we think she's starting to get over it (and my wife will follow up with the teacher).

Many expats send their kids to Japanese preschools so that they'll learn Japanese. Most (if they can afford it) pull the kids out after preschool and send them to international schools. Usually it's because they want their kids to be socialized in a way that matches the culture of the parents (if possible).

As for us, we intend to send our kids to Japanese school through elementary school at least. My wife is Japanese, so we want our kids to learn the language, including writing, and the culture to an extent. We'll have to decide when and if to put them in an international school. In an ideal world, maybe you'd let the kids decide for themselves what culture they'll be. But, in reality, the parents have to make key decisions while the kids are still quite young that will impact their future cultural identities.

My wife has a bi-cultural perspective. Like me, there are things she likes and doesn't like about Japanese culture. She can work with the teacher in appropriate ways, and that includes gently making the teacher aware of the impact of that remark. But choosing a Japanese school means accepting that we DON'T have the same input that parents would have at a similar school in the USA. Nor is it appropriate for us to barge in and defend our child's right to be herself. (Japanese teachers want kids to be themselves, by the way, but in practice the group oriented culture kicks in.) As our kids pick up the culture, they'll get the good and bad. As for us, we'll try to raise them to be healthy and equipped to sort it out their identity (some things now and others later).

This entry originally appeared, with a cute picture, at Japanwindow.com.

Posted by Andy at September 11, 2005 12:21 PM