July 28, 2007
Justice would seem to be
About ten years ago, NATO forces were posted to Bosnia; the combined forces included Czech and U.S. soldiers. One of the U.S. soldiers was reported as having been raped. I remember hearing the news at the time, and talking to my friends about it. It was interesting to me because Czech law and U.S. law are different, so the conflict was not just did he do what she says he did, but even if he did, was it illegal? And was it wrong?
In both countries, sex is considered rape if it's not consensual. The difference (and I am not a lawyer, so you must understand that what I am telling you is my impression after reading about this and talking to some lawyers, but it may not be correct) is that under Czech law, it's rape if somebody says no. Under U.S. law, It's rape if one of the people doesn't say yes.
Thus, under Czech law, a woman could be mind-bendingly drunk or drugged (but conscious), and the situation wouldn't be considered rape, because she didn't say no to being drunk or drugged or to the sex that followed. Under U.S. law, a woman could wake up the next morning, be all "whoops" and call it rape because she never said yes.
I don't find either of those particularly good alternatives. And I don't know what happened on that base ten years ago. There's an article in a Czech magazine this week implying that the man was innocent, and maybe he was, but I wasn't there. Was she drunk, was she forced, was she coming on strong, was she raped? I can't know.
But I think what is interesting is that the story itself, and the laws (again, as I understand them) reflect a cultural and sexual difference that is remarkably large. In one version, you are responsible for what you do even if you don't quite know what you are doing. There is in this a certain amount of personal responsibility that I find attractive. There's also an element of "she asked for it" that I find repugnant. In another version, you're not responsible if you didn't know what you were doing and choose to do it. There's a certain charm to that level of innocence, but there's also a backlash to it: you're too stupid to be expected to know what you're doing.
I think about statistics like four reported rapes in the US to (less than) one in the Czech Republic, but I don't trust these statistics. I think about things like sexually provocative dressing, which seems more standard here (there was a woman in a crochet dress on the bus yesterday, for example), but I also think about walking home, being surrounded by a gang of drunks, and laughing and walking away.
I think about what it would be like for an American soldier to feel like she'd been in a situation that had gotten out of her control, and what would be necessary from there. And I think about a Czech soldier being taken from his post, feeling like he'd done something wrong but never being told what he did (he wasn't charged). I think about how with all their training in weaponry and tactics and defense, they hadn't been warned about each other, men and women. I think about how sad it is that we're so sophisticated and we can't work out these basics.
Posted by anne at July 28, 2007 05:46 AMWhile perhaps we still come back to Sartre’s humorous line ‘on ne vainc jamais dans la guerre des sexes parce qu’il y a trop de fraternisation’ (no one wins in the war of sexes because there’s too much fraternization), the truth of it is this is still a painful matter, even when we more or less easily push it under the carpet. I am a woman and yes, like Lisa Simpson ‘can hold onto the anger forever’, even when I have forgiven and I wave the thought away lady-like, because it would be too unbearable to live in this world if I don’t. And it is not only from personal experience, but from the experience of all of the women I have approached the topic with, that I venture to tell you this horrid truth. There is no woman, there has never been one, who hasn’t felt raped at some point or another in her life, who hasn’t therefore in her perception (and really this is grounds alone for the hurt, therefore proof of the aggression) been raped – violated, abused, victimized, take your pick at the semantics. The legal understanding of it may differ from country to country, but the reality of it does very little, irrespective of nationality, social class, level of independence and professional accomplishment, religion or skin color. Some of the times, the event is reported (and much to the further detriment of the victim, let’s face it), but for the rest of us it remains a matter of quietly hiding it away and expertly moving on, under the guise of the taking-one-blow-for-the-team’s-sake positive couple psychology. I invite you to ask your wife or your girlfriend, your fiancée or your best lady friend about this, and then perhaps these ‘basics’ will cease to be only the subject of concern over civil codes. The problem you approach is why we can’t work these ‘basics’ in defining rape. The problem I suggest is why men can’t work the ‘basics’. All men. Bar none. In best ever scenario, we love you and you love us back, and yet there’s that one episode we remember when you’re not looking; clouded in our confusion, denial and love for you, but hurtful all the same. And no, we don’t remember it when we call you at work for minor reasons, when we help the child draw a card for daddy’s birthday, when we undress you with the shallow breath of desire, when of all the perfumes in the world santal on your skin is still our favorite, we don’t remember it when we have guests over and you’re in a delightful mood, or not. We don’t remember it almost at all. Except sometimes. Because the hurt is there and something did happen. And it shouldn’t have. And this is best ever scenario.
Posted by: Anca at August 9, 2007 08:55 AM